I've kissed you more than twice and now I'm working on your dad

I really must stop these long absences, but lately it's been more than my schedule that's kept me from blogging, it's the beautiful game. I get up at nine every morning and there it is waiting for me. This morning it was a 0-0 tie between Japan and Croatia. Not the most exciting game, but still a great way to start the day. After hours of World Cup viewing, though, I've reached some conclusions about soccer and why Americans don't like it:

1. The announcers constantly say it's "a man's game" but any game that features dramatic dives and fake injuries can't honestly be "a man's game" unless those men are drama queens, which brings me to my next thought.

2. Soccer players are like thoroughbreds. They're sleek and well groomed, easily scared and prone to silly injuries. It's so strange watching them prance around out on the field only to cry to the ref whenever someone trips them. It feels distinctly un-American.

3. Americans have a hard time liking any sport that doesn't involve constant forward movement. I'm sure it says something about our worldview but, like hockey, soccer often requires that the ball go backwards to get farther forward. It's a concept most Americans just can't get behind. Why would anyone ever give up ground?

Despite these quandaries, I'm a huge fan of the World Cup. I love it because it challenges so many things Americans hold to be true. Counties like Brazil and Portugal suddenly become world powers and we're only left with "girly man" jokes. We can hate soccer all we want. I'm sure that would be just fine with the rest of the world.

**********

Oh, I also listened to an album today. Perhaps it's fitting that it's a British album that I never quite got. I never feel like I'm hip enough to listen to Different Class by Pulp. It's like cool kids music. It's dark and sexy and full of stories about people who are unlike any of the people I've ever met. Jarvis Cocker is one sad and British guy that I don't love. Mostly, it's because I don't think he's really that sad. It sounds like he's having too much fun.

If you think you might like Pulp, though, you should check out William Shatner's cover of "Common People." Unbeatable!