I got an email from Sharpie today! They had excellent customer service and did not seem to snicker at my odd request. In fact, this was what they had to say:
Hello Eileen,
I would recommend using the Sharpie Professional or the Sharpie Oil-Based Paint Marker.
Thank you for e-mailing us and for your support of Sanford products.
Sanford Consumer Affairs
000411822A
Very businesslike isn't it?
So now I just have to track down these magical markers and phase one of my plan will be complete. Then it's just down to the small matter of finding the man himself and procuring his autograph. I really don't think that will be too hard, though. I have my ways...
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